HORTON LAZARIO

Ring of Fire

A  News Satire column pandering to the Politically Incorrect...


 

Episode 47 -- Disgruntled Postal Workers

You hear about that disgruntled postal worker who shot all those people? Pittsburgh I think it was.

Same old story. This jackass waltzes into the post office with an Uzi under his arm and starts blasting away. Got his boss, two coworkers, and some 73 year-old stamp collector who was in there looking for a limited edition Milliard Fillmore stamp.

Yeah...rings a bell, right? So lemme ask you this: how come you never hear about disgruntled postal patrons coming in and blowing the living-shit out of the post office? Huh? Doesn't that make just a little more sense?

I mean these dipshits can't even be trusted to deliver my mail and they're the ones who're disgruntled? What the fuck is up with that? Hey, postman always shoots twice, here’s a free tip – if you kill your boss, and everybody else at your place of work, you’re probably not gonna have a job anymore to be disgruntled about. Just something you might wanna think about before you go on your next rampage.

And, excuse the bejeasus out of me, but what do these mail order marksmen have to be disgruntled about anyway? The health insurance? Or perhaps it’s all those government benefits making them nuts? Or could be it’s the stress that builds up, each and every day, from constantly trying to look busy.

You know, damn good and well, that they’re not stressing out about getting my mail to me on time. Why? Because I’ve never once fucking seen my mail on time. Hell, at least these jagoffs get their freakin' mail on time! Disgruntled? I'm the one who should be running in with the Uzi screaming "I can't take it anymore, you scumbagmutherfuckers screwed up my mail for the last goddamn fucking time!!!" No jury would ever convict me. I’d get off quicker than you could say O.J. Simpson.

I’m sure a lot of people may think I’m crazy. But I'm not crazy, really, I'm just disgruntled. Experts say there's a difference…and that makes all the difference in a legal defense...

 

 

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