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CHRISTMAS WITH ALVIN

by

Kelly Holtzclaw

 


I bet that Santa won't come here this year because my big brother Alvin killed my Mom and Dad...

He is 11 years old, and he says that he is too big for his age. Alvin got mad because Mom and Dad told him that there was no such thing as Santa Claus. I guess they thought that he was old enough to find out. Alvin got real, real mad at them and said that they "lied" to him all of his life!

He went under the tree and got a present out that was wrapped in pretty red and green paper with bells on it. Alvin knew what was in the box already because he had peeked and looked at all of his presents, just like every year. Alvin was very mad too. He knocked the angel right off of the top of the tree as he grabbed his present out from underneath.

Dad said, with a fearful tone in his voice, "Alvin, now you wait 'til Christmas to open your presents."

Alvin just looked at him and screamed at the top of his lungs, "Just one, OK Dad!"

Dad said OK, but he told Alvin not to open that one, he said that he would be much happier with the blue box. Alvin just told Dad to shut up like he always does and ripped the box open.

Mom just stared at the present and said, "I told you it wouldn't' t be right for him."

Alvin, on the other hand, didn't' t mind a bit. In fact he liked it. That was the first time I ever saw my big brother smile. It was also the first time I ever saw Alvin like one of his Christmas presents. Usually he just leaves them in a pile in the middle of the living room floor and never touches them again. Alvin's present must have cost over four or five hundred dollars at least. I have never seen anything so pretty, but I don' t think Mom liked it much. Alvin just loved it, he had never had one before.

Alvin even said, "Thank you, Mom and Dad," another first that foggy Christmas Eve day.

Mom and Dad were happy that Alvin was so happy, but it scared them because they had never seen him this way before. Alvin wanted to try it out right away, but Dad said not in the house. Alvin just told him to shut up. When Alvin was looking at it very closely I asked Dad what it was. He said it was something called a ".357 Magnum," whatever that was.

Then Alvin got real mad again, remembering that Mom and Dad said that there was no Santa Claus. He said that Mom and Dad will never have the right to lie to anyone ever again, and that if there really was a Santa, he would be proud of Alvin today.

Then Alvin took the .357 Magnum and shot my Mom and Dad in the head. They died under the tree. The next day Alvin cooked Christmas dinner, and after we ate, Alvin gave himself up.

 

1999 Kelly Holtzclaw - all rights reserved

2003 The Newz.com twisted humor magazine All Rights Reserved.  Which means we won't see the humor if you steal from us. Therefore we have the legal and moral right, as allocated to all online humor magazines, to hunt you down like a twisted little monkey.  Legal Stuff